When BAEKHYUN was going through a rough patch, he had a bracelet he had received as a gift, engraved with one word: “fearless.” The idol has long since pulled himself out of that rut, and he no longer wears the bracelet. He’s come a long way, and he’s now as hard as the substance that lends its name to his tour: lonsdaleite. At 58% harder than conventional diamond, it perfectly captures the unyielding spirit of an artist who’s been refining himself for years—a quality that shines through in his interview.

Your “Jungwon High’s BYUN BAEKHYUN” videos have been trending. And the concept for today’s photoshoot was actually inspired by how you sang in your high school band, Honsu-sangtae (“Coma”). [Note: This interview took place on February 12.]
BAEKHYUN: I once said I’d like to put on my old Jungwon High uniform again, and the video team came up with a karaoke angle, so we tied the two together. At first, I was just supposed to sing, but the fact that I was wearing that uniform felt like way too good an opportunity to pass up. There was only a small window. So we said, “Should we try doing a short skit?” But then we thought it might come across as cringey, so I just improvised something on the spot. I figured a lot of people must be curious about what I was like back in the day, so I wanted to give them a little glimpse into what I was like when I was in school.

You sang a ballad medley in “Jungwon High’s BYUN BAEKHYUN,” and it seems like old ballads are your go-to choice for vocal training as well, but it seems you mainly listen to R&B.
BAEKHYUN: You’re right. When I practice singing, it’s mostly ballads. A lot of them are in 4/4 time—a really clear beat, nice and slow. You have to be able to really, really stretch out your breaths for those if you want to be able to sing fast ones without a problem. But when I’m just listening to music, I’m more into R&B to keep my senses sharp. I just love it. What’s fascinating about R&B is how versatile it is. It’s perfect for every mood. It feels like it’s always around you, but at the same time, it’s got this amazing way of making you stop in your tracks.

Can we expect more R&B tracks with vibes like “Love Again” and “Love Scene” on your next album?
BAEKHYUN: I’ll probably keep going with that series. I guess I’m allowed to talk about this, right? (laughs) I drop spoilers all the time anyway! Originally, I thought my next release would be a full studio album, but it’s looking like it’ll be another mini album. Here’s an exclusive: I’m planning on releasing a few digital singles every month, though—kind of a “Monthly Project BYUN BAEKHYUN” feel. I’m a little disappointed I couldn’t put out a full album, but as long as I’ve got a good song every month, I want to record it and share it with everyone. I’ve been giving songwriting a shot, too—lyrics and music. Obviously I’ll keep touring so that EXO-L doesn’t feel like I’ve gone anywhere, but the truth is, that only applies for people who live in places I tour. It still feels that way if they live somewhere the tour doesn’t stop, you know? That’s why I want to fill the gaps for them by sharing songs—the music I love most, some new stuff. Does that sound okay? (laughs)

It sounds great! When you sang the song “Rendez-Vous” in concert before it was released, a lot of your fans had a tough time waiting for it to come out. (laughs)
BAEKHYUN: Ah! That sort of became an issue. (laughs) Usually, when you’re promoting, you have to keep both the song and the concept super under wraps. If I were somebody’s fan, I’d want updates about them so badly. I understand how hard it can be waiting endlessly for an album to drop. That’s why I started dropping spoilers from early on. And now I’m something of a spoiler king. … Spoiler master? I’m synonymous with terms like that now. Anyway, that’s basically how the idea of “Monthly Project BYUN BAEKHYUN” came about, too. I just hope they can have a good time while waiting around for me, even if just a little.

So was that why you put your “Chaotic Party” fan meeting event together, even though you had less than a month?
BAEKHYUN: I think it was more like two weeks. It turns out anything’s possible. I mean, I’ve prepared for a concert in just three weeks before, so I thought, “If we can find a space to rent out, that’s all I need for a fan meeting!” I’m always confident about speaking in front of Eri(EXO-L’s nickname), so I was sure I could do a good job no matter what we planned to do.

It’s impressive how quickly you respond to feedback when it comes to your fan meetings. It’s amazing how when you say, “I’ll try to make it even better next time,” you make good on that the very next day—or even during the very next show!
BAEKHYUN: The first thing I do when I’m done with anything is to review it. And I can usually just tell in the moment to some degree, too. For instance, I was really curious about what kind of talents Eri has and thought it would be fun to find out, but since they were there to see me, naturally I got feedback that that part ran too long. It was like, “Yep, I felt the same way,” so I cut it down right away. I mean, they spend all that time and money to come see me, so I just feel like it’s wrong for me to be stubborn about it. I’m always very conscious about what would be a reasonable price for the people who come out. I want people who like me to feel like I’m always right there close by.

It’s impressive how hands-on you were in the behind-the-scenes video on the “Lonsdaleite” DVD, right down to how you decide the height for the stage lifts and what would look good on the big screen. Your decisions there seem to be influenced by your gut feeling, too. What makes you so confident about your instincts?
BAEKHYUN: It all comes down to putting myself in their shoes. “If I were EXO-L ….” If the stage lift’s too high, someone’s bound not to be able to see. But nobody comes to my concerts to see a stage prop. So even when the moving stage goes out, I talk with the director, like, “It can’t take too long,” or, “The people underneath might find it scary or hate being in the dark, so we need to take a look at the speed and timing.” I try to make it so that people will feel that and think, “Wow, BAEKHYUN thought of everyone—even the people in the seats over there.” I don’t think I’ve ever done a stage without considering EXO-L.

It seems like your thoughtfulness extends to your set list, too. It’s also amazing how you put the quieter songs at the beginning and saved those with more intense choreography for later when you were already going to be tired.
BAEKHYUN: Exactly. It gets progressively more exhausting. As an idol, I dance, and there’s something about … there’s this special feeling from those moments where you’re like, “Wow, that must be so exhausting!” I really take pleasure doing “PARANOIA,” for example, and being completely out of breath. I want to make sure my audiences feel that the whole time. I can always sing while standing still when I’m older. I think it’d be a bit of a waste to hold in all this energy while I still have it. “A concert’s supposed to be tough. If the performer isn’t giving it their all, the audience won’t really be having fun.”

When you performed in Seoul for your “Lonsdaleite” tour, you were deeper in thought than anyone’s ever seen you onstage before. I was a little taken aback.
BAEKHYUN: There were some really miniscule details of that first concert that I felt could’ve been handled better. And I thought about how Eri might have noticed those things too. Plus, it was my very first solo concert, so I did have moments of doubt, like, “Can I really pull this off all by myself?” But for “Lonsdaleite [dot],” I had more time to prepare and already learned a lot from touring. Thanks to that, I said, “Let’s get an even bigger screen and all the bells and whistles for props!” And I felt a little more relaxed because of that.

You mentioned having doubts earlier, but everyone sees you as this very talented individual, so I honestly find it a little strange when you say such things.
BAEKHYUN: Really? Maybe it’s because I love hearing people tell me I did a good job. “You’re doing a good job,” “you’re reaching for perfection”—hearing things like that mean so much to me that I want to make sure I’m deserving of them. That’s what makes me keep questioning myself. “Am I personally satisfied with this performance? Is there anywhere the audience thought I could’ve done more?” No one knows me better than I know myself. It’d be nice if things could be like, “Boom, mic on, done,” but I have a routine before I go on where I go (sighs) and get my voice loose and ready, but getting myself focused like that makes me feel like I can’t fully enjoy myself onstage. My ideal version of me would be someone who can sing amazingly as soon as they wake up. I want to feel in control even when I don’t focus.

Is it possible you’re already there but can’t see it because you’re a perfectionist?
BAEKHYUN: People I know always say I seem obsessive, but it feels like, if I’m not, then it’s like I’m going backwards in a way. I don’t think I made it to where I am today because I got lucky. I worked as hard as I could. I’m pretty sure my success is a result of all of that taken together, so I’m worried if I don’t keep up with my routines then other stuff will fall apart, too. So one of the reasons I keep doing more and more is to make sure I don’t become complacent. If somebody who likes me talks about me to someone else, and that other person says, “Yeah, that guy’s a pretty good singer,” it only makes sense that that first person would like to hear that. And even if someday they’re no longer into me, I’ll always be there in their memories—presumably some amazing memories. I don’t ever want to be complacent and hear people saying, “Man, what a shame. He used to be so good. What happened?” That’s basically why I keep working hard. (laughs)

You show a lot of professionalism like that when it comes to your work. How much of your music is similar to your real life?
BAEKHYUN: Well … I don’t really want my music to reflect my life too much. Generally speaking, I don’t really want my music and my personal life to be wrapped up in each other. I think things would get way too deep. I absolutely love music, but it’s not something I do just for fun anymore. I think my life and my music need some amount of buffer between them. For me, music falls within the realm of things where I need to take responsibility, so I believe it falls under the category of “work.”

Does putting a buffer between what you love and the rest of your life stress you out at all?
BAEKHYUN: Well, if I’m being honest, I can’t actually keep them separate! I mean, I say stuff like that (laughs) but it’s impossible. People always talk about how they wish things were, but it doesn’t really work that way. Still, you can at least set your mind to some things. Like, “Don’t make the song too much about your own story.” For anyone grappling with something similar, my advice would be to pick up a hobby, even if it seems like too much effort. I’ve been interested in pottery lately, for example. Uh, I mean, I haven’t done it yet, but I’m thinking about it. (laughs)

No wonder fans open up to you about their problems. That feels like solid adulting advice. (laughs)
BAEKHYUN: Oh, really? Just don’t lose sight of what you want to do, and eventually, you’ll get the opportunity to do it your way. Don’t force yourself into a framework that doesn’t work for you. Avoid that, and change will happen, I think.

Still, have you ever doubted yourself?
BAEKHYUN: Well, I found myself in a rut at one point. I felt like my trainee period was relatively short, my voice didn’t sound right to me one day, and eventually, it made me feel like I was losing my main asset. Back in training, things were super strict, actually. But even then, the training system couldn’t make me feel defeated. I consider that my biggest asset—I don’t want to let anyone’s words lower my self-confidence. You know? As long as I know exactly where I can improve and what I need to do, the road ahead is clear to me. Showbiz doesn’t come with an instruction manual, after all. That’s why I have this belief that you should rely on the insight of perceptive young people if at all possible. I try to talk with experts from other fields and take in as much feedback as I can. As long as there’s strong reasoning behind it. (laughs) I’m not too invested in things my friends just say offhand. (laughs)

So that’s why when you were on Weverse LIVE you said, “To be honest, I already have a good sense of what Eri likes and dislikes, even without asking.”
BAEKHYUN: We’ve known each other so long, you know. It turns out what I want from Eri and what they want from me are pretty much the same. It’s not like I tell myself I need to act a certain way around them. I just show them the real me. I want to dive deeper into their world, too. The unfiltered, raw, human side. (laughs) I genuinely enjoy seeing what Eri’s like when I’m not around. But I can never be apart from them for long—maybe because I hope my being there will brighten their day. If I just keep being myself and doing what I want, and trying to clear up any misunderstandings about it, I’m pretty sure we can keep taking this same journey together.

You often say things like, “I’ll do even better next time,” or, “I’ll keep working hard.” From someone in your position, it isn’t easy to make a habit of telling people you’ll try even harder. Are there any other phrases you find yourself saying a lot?
BAEKHYUN: “I gotta do more!” comes up all the time. Like, “Ugh! I still gotta do more!” But honestly, I don’t have the energy I used to. (laughs) But still, I keep telling myself, “You gotta keep doing it.” That’s what gets me moving. I’m far from totally satisfied with where I am now, and I know Eri’s thinking, “I wish the world appreciated BAEKHYUN’s talents more.” I also wonder how much longer I’ll be able to maintain my reputation for being a “good communicator.” I want to keep living up to all those ways people describe me. I guess it’s that ambition that pushes me to keep saying, “I gotta do more! Keep moving!”

What are you hoping to achieve when you “keep moving”?
BAEKHYUN: It won’t be easy, but … I’d like to be a role model. I want people to keep saying, “He really worked hard and lived his life to the fullest. And he still does.” Life’s honestly full of ups and downs, but I hope the downs will be as short as possible. I think it’s all about the long game. You can shine for a little while … but life is long. People are living to 100 or 120 now. (laughs)

In a letter you wrote to your future self a year from now, you wrote, “Are you going through a hard time? Hope you didn’t regret those days.” Why did you use the word “regret”?
BAEKHYUN: I already talked about how much I push myself. I do a lot of self-review, and what I feel most adamant about is doing my work in a way that leaves no regrets. I don’t want to be left with anything like that. And I don’t think I will, because I’ll keep thinking about the things I want to do and about my dedicated fans as I keep moving forward.