For EVAN, music is a journey home—past the childhood memories that forever changed his life, toward the place where he finds his true self.

You recently shared a YouTube video about how you decorated your studio. I’m sure it was meaningful to you in a number of ways to get to decorate your own space like that.
EVAN: The older I get, the more I realize how much having my own space matters to me. I started to feel like I need to be comfortable in the place where I spend my time if everything’s going to work out, so I decorated the studio top to bottom the way I wanted.

What way was that?
EVAN: I like a casual vibe. I put out a heart-shaped rug recently, and it makes the room feel more playful. I put my pictures in frames and try to decorate the space with desk and other accessories I’m into in a way that feels natural. There’s a difference between my studio and home, though. I like the studio to feel like it has personality. My home’s more on the cozy side (laughs).

That sounds very you. Sometimes you tighten your screws, and other times you let things loosen up.
EVAN: You’re right. I think it depends on the situation. I dress comfortable for practice but still try to make it look good. On days off, I dress up or go for a sleek look. My mood shifts day to day, too. Some days I’m really upbeat and outgoing, and other days I’d rather be alone and work through my thoughts than hang out with other people.

In that case, maybe what matters isn’t necessarily having a lot of experience but your intuition in the moment. Even when you made nail tips for EVER, you went with your instincts and made something great despite apparently not having that much experience with it.
EVAN: (laughs) I definitely wouldn’t say I’m actually good at doing nails. I haven’t done it much, but it ended up reflecting my tastes anyway. Since most of EVER are women, I thought, “What kind of design would women like?” Since it’s summer, I went with that as the concept, mixed two colors for the tips, and just went with my gut. But hearing what you just said, I’m realizing instinct really does matter more than experience for me.

Does that apply to everyday life too?
EVAN: I think with music, too, I understand things instinctively and get right down to work. I don’t listen to much rock music, actually. I did listen to more rock than usual when I was making “Ride or Die,” but I was still mostly listening to R&B and other genres I’m really into. Then something just popped into my head out of nowhere, and I ended up working it instinctively into the track in a way that worked with rock.

It seems like it’s important to you to bring your intended vision to life the way you picture it. Even in your vocals, whether the genre’s R&B or rock, there’s a sense that you have a clear picture in mind.
EVAN: I’m 24 now, which isn’t exactly young. The more things I experience, the more I feel like balance is important. I’ve always had this sense that certain genres call for a certain singing style, but I’m only really grasping what that means now. It applies to everything, really—like if I ask myself, “Wouldn’t decorating my home like my studio make it feel cluttered?” the answer’s right there. The studio’s the studio, and home is home—that kind of thing. And in the same way, I think finding the right balance for each song is just part of being an artist.

What is it about bringing your personal vision to life that’s so important to you?
EVAN: Honestly, it’s not something I’ve been especially conscious of in my life, but I had to be creating, and I wanted to make music no matter what. I was seriously eager. As an artist, I felt like I had to make the music myself, show it to people, and go beyond just the music to offer something visual, too.

You said on “Leemujin Service” that “being true to myself is important.” How do you try to be “true to” yourself through your music? They say who you were during your childhood is usually closest to who you really are at your core.
EVAN: I was honestly really scatterbrained as a kid, always running around. Kind of a troublemaker? (laughs) There was a temple I always used to visit when I went out from the city. I was such a jokester with the older girls I got to know there that sometimes I made them cry. But now … I think it’s time I talked about this. I haven’t brought this up since I became a singer, but in fourth grade, I was diagnosed with malignant lymphoma. I kept coughing, and at first I just figured it was a cold and didn’t think much of it, but then when I was playing soccer, I took four or five steps and suddenly couldn’t breathe. I found out at the hospital later that it was cancer.

I can’t even imagine how difficult that must’ve been to go through at such a young age.
EVAN: The treatment process wasn’t easy, but when I saw how my mom took care of me nonstop, I wanted to put on a brave face for her. When the hospital held events like talent shows for the patients, I’d play guitar and even host them. I dreamed of being a singer ever since I was six, but to be honest, back then I didn’t really have the mental bandwidth to even think about that. I’d watch my friends pass away and kept thinking, “I want to live so badly, I want to go home.” Thankfully I made it through treatment and got to go on with my life, but fitting back in with my friends wasn’t easy. I had a lot less energy, and since my hair was still growing back from chemo, I got teased a lot for it. My friends would be like, “What is that, grass? You’re like a monk.” But I just took it because I wanted to fit in. Once I got to middle school, I had some good friends, but I wasn’t as outgoing as before. I became more of an introvert. I haven’t thought about that in a long time. It hurts to bring it back up. (laughs)

Would you say that experience still shapes the way you make and express music today?
EVAN: There’s a line in “Noise,” one of the tracks on the mini album, that goes, “Trust me / Know I’m able / Take it slow / Ain’t no trouble / Don’t give up dawn til night.” I wanted to use the start of my music under the name EVAN to tell people that good days do eventually come around. When I sing on “Death of Me,” the lead single, that this “ain’t the death of me,” it comes from a place of having actually gone right up to the edge of death myself. No matter how far down I went, I felt over and over that it was never really the end. I hope EVER hears that message and finds some hope in it.

That feeling seems to come through in a more layered way on “Noise.” Buried under all this different sound is a conviction to believe in yourself and keep pressing forward.
EVAN: What’s funny is, the first track, “Not Enough,” is all about not being enough, and then the second song says I’m going to catch hold of all the noise around me. It might seem contradictory in a way, but behind the scenes, I’m constantly pushing myself. Always practicing, practicing, filming, filming, sometimes even giving up my days off to do sessions. Even with all that, there’s still so many areas where I feel like I’m not enough, so I keep improving things as I go, but there’s something inspiring about that whole process, too. I’m gaining experience from taking things that don’t work and turning them into things that do. I wanted to convey how the very start of that process feels through musical noise.

So what exactly is it that’s still “Not Enough” for you, then?
EVAN: To be honest, success and recognition as an artist, and love from fans—all of it still doesn’t feel like I’ve achieved enough. Some might say that makes me greedy. I still see myself as someone who’s not enough. There’s still a lot more I want to try and accomplish in different areas. I don’t think there’s anyone who manages that all on their own. So I try to listen to people I know as much as I can, and above all, I try to stay consistent. That’s what matters most.

It’s interesting that resolve gets compared to a Stephen Curry three-pointer on “Not Enough,” too. There’s a lot of weight and resolve to the song, and then a line like “Hittin’ like a Stephen’s three” just pops up out of nowhere.
EVAN: (laughs) I wanted to bring a bit of wit to it. Plus, I’m into basketball. Stephen Curry’s the king of the three-pointer, you know. I’m a big fan. I even have a jersey at home that he personally gave me. From what I’ve heard, he’s still training hard and still working on improving his shooting form even now. I wanted to convey that same idea—that I need to keep pushing forward like that, and that I’m still not quite there yet.

In “Immature,” you describe yourself as having “shortcomings in spades” and being “childish,” but it’s still about steadily pushing forward. It isn’t easy to own up to your own shortcomings and press on like that. It feels like a really honest piece of music.
EVAN: There was a time when I tried to hide the parts of myself that were immature or fell short, but there came a time when I had to face it all head-on. Once I actually admitted to myself that some parts weren’t enough, that thought started to feel second nature to me. I still have to work on those things, obviously, but no one in this world’s totally perfect. I feel like EVER will relate to that, too. It’s sort of exhilarating to just accept yourself for who you are. You feel a lot better once you say, “Yeah, I’ve got a lot to work on.”

The lead single, “Death of Me,” feels like it pushes that energy to the limit. You’re needing to hit high notes while also doing some really fast footwork. It seems like the kind of song you only go with if you’re really determined to show how competent of a pop star you are on various levels.
EVAN: Honestly, that’s exactly the mindset I made this song with. (laughs) Just like with “Noise,” it means having to put in an insane amount of practice behind the scenes. It’s the kind of song and dance you can only pull off if you keep fine-tuning yourself the whole way through. I actually recorded a demo with the high notes a month before “Ride or Die” came out, but when I went to sing them again, it just wasn’t happening, so I practiced every single day, telling myself I had to push through it no matter what, until I finally hit those notes. It wasn’t an easy process, but in the end, there’s nothing that can’t be done. If you just keep going one step at a time, everything will work out somehow.

In the end, this album, “DEATH OF ME,” seems to contain a lot of different aspects of you all at once. There are alternative songs like “Noise” and “Immature,” and then the clean, straightforward pop of “Death of Me.”
EVAN: People are contradictory by nature. That’s what makes this album feel really human to me, and I think that’s exactly why it’s got a bit more of a dopamine rush to it. The single “Ride or Die” came with two songs that were new territory for me, but this album is built around my voice in a way that I can really pull off well and that I love. Some tracks show a more relaxed side of my singing, “Twilight” shows me being upbeat and refreshing, and with “Death of Me,” I wanted to share the inspiration that came from facing myself head-on in all kinds of different situations.

You’ve said before that your identity is that of an idol at heart, but genre-wise, you’re an alternative artist. That whole spectrum seems to come through fully on this album.
EVAN: I want to really hit the nail on the head this time. I’m an idol—someone whose responsibility is to make EVER happy. At the same time, I love so many different genres of music that I want to be an alternative artist, but I ultimately express that as an idol.

Especially with the last track being “Going Home,” it feels like this whole album is a journey of self-discovery, moving through all these different sides of you. Then again, with lines like “almost going home,” the lyrics paint a picture of not quite being there yet.
EVAN: I haven’t gotten to go home much since becoming a singer. There was this one time I wrapped up at 10 at night, went home, and then had to be up and out again by nine in the morning. I got to have a nice talk with my family for a bit, even if it was brief, and have some fruit before heading back out, but on the taxi ride back, it just hit me so hard that I started sobbing. That’s when I thought, “I want to go back home.” The words “almost going home” carry that meaning—that I’ll really go home once I’ve fully achieved the things I mentioned earlier that I still fall short on, and once I’ve managed to change myself enough.

Would that change mean returning to who you really are at your core?
EVAN: Yes. What I want more than anything is to get up in front of a lot of people and show them exactly who I am. I think the real me is friendly and easy to approach, but these days I’m more introverted, so I feel like what makes me special doesn’t come through when I’m in front of a lot of people. The most important thing is that I’m changing myself. I want to show people exactly who I am.