During the course of the interview Saerom made frequent use of the word “always”. Always a thirst for growth in her choreography, always telling herself to give it her best, that she will always progress if she practices ceaselessly. That she always puts in the same effort but still grows bit by bit. 

Today is your birthday. (Interviewed on January 7). How was your birthday this year? 

Saerom: I feel a familiar but also fresh love every time I celebrate a birthday with our flover and the members. Until last year, the members would wish me happy birthday the moment it struck midnight, but not this time around. (laughs) I’m thankful that they wrote such long messages when we’re all busy getting ready for the comeback, and I’m grateful that my birthday could be an excuse for them to express their thoughts more and use a happy birthday as an opener to say things they didn’t have a chance to before and to share their heartfelt thoughts. Jiwon and Chaeyoung talked about what they were thankful to me as captain and if they’re helping, and I thought about how they've matured. I was so young before and the members also, but I was really moved to see that they harbor these thoughts even when I couldn’t immediately tell, couldn’t see. 

Are there things that changed over time?

Saerom: Before I somewhat vaguely thought it was only natural to present what’s attractive and pretty, but now I think more about how “flover will also appreciate showing a little more of the genuine and human Saerom.” That's why I’m more inclined to want to upload more of my natural self in my daily life on Weverse or Instagram. 

Like the “Rom Rom Film” you take yourself or the “Draw Like Saerom” clips?

Saerom: I’m on the lookout for hobbies these days. I really want to go to a pottery studio so I keep looking into it and I want to learn art too, but since we have our official activities I’m waiting until I can have the time to give them a try. I really can’t draw objects or people. So I just thought,” I’ll express my emotions or the weather that I can depict” without putting too much thought into it and it was so much more fun. That made me think,”It’s not that I can’t draw, but that there are certain parts of it that I find fun.”

You also have a lot of interest in fashion. 

Saerom: I bought a lot of knitwear recently. I bought patterns I haven’t worn before or a sweater with sort of kitschy but cute round collars. When I was going to college I wanted to look grown-up and elegant so I looked for clean-cut styles, but nowadays I’m leaning towards looks with more comfy feels. 

You took on an elegant dressed-up look and also a lively and comfortable sporty look in the concept photos. 

Saerom: In the shoot with me wearing the headsets the theme was “a late-night escape” to show having a good time past midnight, but it didn’t come out easily because I never did have much late-hour fun. I learned on-site and I was happy how it turned out as someone who succeeded in cutting it loose. (laugh). 

There’s a variety of concepts that stand out in the songs. The unit song “Love is Around” is a ballad exuding the nervousness of a love confession. 

Saerom: Actually, I didn’t have much confidence when I learned I was part of the “Love is Around” unit. I’ve never sung a ballad either on my own or before flover, so I asked the A&R team, “Can I really pull this off?” and they told me that after much discussion they concluded I’ll be able to do it well and to go ahead with the idea. So I went through it thinking that since the label trusts me I should trust in myself too, and rather than dwelling on the pressure about doing a good job I focused more on creating an ambience right for the song. I pictured a girl nervous-excited before confessing her love and I think it worked. When it was over, the A&R team who knew I’d been worried said, “Look. It did turn out fine.” It was a weight off my mind. 

You had to go for a jazzy style and choreo too for “Escape Room”.

Saerom: It was a style that I never tried even when standing upright while recording, so it was very hard. I understood it but had a hard time expressing it, and got a lot of help from performance directing. I was told to put a jazzy feel into it so I imagined drawing a curve with a sharp pick. I learned the choreography as quickly as I could and focused on the vocals, and I felt that it wasn’t easy but once I got into it I could handle it. So I thought, “Nothing is ever impossible. Even if it’s hard, it’s all part of growing.”

What about the title track, “DM”?

Saerom: I think “DM” is the boldest expression this time. Just looking at the lyrics, “I want to hold your hand,” “I want to hold you tight” and those direct expressions we thought were very bold for us. What I thought personally was that this is a song of that audacious expression of the excitement of a midnight escape, and with the ending lyrics being “I like you and only you / I want you” I wanted to show that this “confession found its mark”. 

I felt that audacity in the opening when you let your hair loose.

Saerom: Seoyeon and I have short hair that’s the easiest to let down so the other members are the real winners here. (laughs). I have short hair so I need to tie it as tight as possible, but since I can’t check it in a mirror on stage I just make it muscle memory to think, “It’s pretty good when I tie it like this” and then do the practice. 

The details of the “I can’t let you get away” part is reminiscent of the “flaylist ‘H.E.R. - Lights On” choreo that you uploaded before. 

Saerom: It came together after trying many different things, even things like whether I should have my toes pointed farther out or more towards the back. The details are minute but the vocals of the part really came to life depending on how it was expressed. For “Lights On” there was a lot of choreo that required power but also highlighting a silhouette, and I thought I was good with that kind of dance so I was confident this time too that I knew what I could do and that I could bring it to life. 

When you did “Billie Eilish - i love you’’ for flaylist you also uploaded pictures of your feet with blackened soles and bandages all over. 

Saerom: I always thirst for more growth in my dance so that drove me to more practice. I thought that’s what I needed to practice ceaselessly and get better, and even when I wasn’t conscious of it I did improve. For example I used to lose control because I put in too much force, or use too little force and get too gelatinous, but now even though I’m not perfect I’m aware of this and I feel that’s helped me express emotions a little better with my body or show a silhouette with the right amount of force. 

I remember in the Channel_9 Find My Friend episode you talking about trying your best at anything you do.

Saerom: I think that’s how I’ve always lived. Whether I can do it well or not, or whether it suits me or not, I always believe that I should give it my best so what I said might seem playful but it’s something that’s always within me. I think perfect awareness is not possible without personal experience. I think experiencing something and finding out as a result that this is something you can’t do or doesn’t fit you is important learning in and of itself. 

What kinds of things did you learn through experience?

Saerom: In the early days after debut I was always tense because of the pressure and the idea that I should do everything well, not just as captain but as myself. I just thought vaguely, “How can I grow?” and then after I started meditation I put a lot of things down and had time to reflect on myself, and I realized that it’s not always a good thing, not just as an idol but just as a person, to constantly have that tension. After that I started to practice relaxing a lot more. 

What is the position of captain like?

Saerom: I’ve always had to say, “We should do it like this,” “We should be careful about saying and doing this” so I feel I should be the first to put things into practice to be able to talk with confidence. That means sometimes I’m a step behind others being more cautious but that also means I make fewer mistakes and we can all fill in for each other’s shortcomings. We’re always together in happiness and sadness so now it feels natural to have the members in my life. I think it’s gotten to a point where it’s a natural part of how I think of my life. 
 

I remember you saying in the birthday letter to Hayoung in 2019, “No matter what anyone says, as long as we’re together in this same boat I’ll always listen to you and think about what you say, and if you trip I may not be able to stand you back up but at least I’ll be the support that keeps you from falling in deeper so let’s trust each other and dream of a bigger world.”

Saerom: Hayoung is a person with delicate emotions so I always feel I want to be by her side. We go through so much and sometimes we’re buffeted by what people say and we get hurt, and I wanted to tell her that “no matter what anyone says, no matter how they criticize you I’ll always think about how you are and what you say, and I won’t judge you by what anyone says about you.”

Did you change in any way being captain?

Saerom: My MBTI actually changed while being captain. Even when I think this time I’ve changed for sure I always ended up with INFP, so I’ve always thought “I can’t helping being INFP” but last year I was talking with the members and I thought, “I’ve changed so much” so I did the test and got INTP. I couldn’t believe it and ran it again and got INTP three times. So I think I’ve completely transformed into INTP, and thinking about why that happened I think being captain was the biggest influence. I’ve had to think that I can never be emotional in how I solve things and that ripened from F into T, a more rational person. 

I see some of that “T” when you deal with problems but also “F” when you communicate with the members. You encourage the members by saying, “Let’s give it a try. Let me ask you to try.”

Saerom: The way the members are, they can more easily relate to “these are the reasons why doing it this way will be better for us. I think this is the better way” than to “Let’s do it like this.” There are small differences in how I talk to the members. Jisun, Seoyeon and Nagyung quickly get on board if I tell them the facts and talk about how we should try it this way, and with Hayoung and Jiheon things work out best with empathy and encouragement. 

Not putting blind faith in the MBTI, but the “P” didn’t change. (laughs) You said in a V LIVE yourself that you consider yourself to be spontaneous. 

Saerom: I’m not the kind of person to iron out the details and feel a sense of accomplishment by sticking to them, and even going on a trip I always like to leave on a whim. Was it when I was twenty? A really close friend was in Guam, and we were talking and my friend said, “Do you want to come to Guam?” and I bought a ticket the next day. That was the first time I flew by myself. I’m really not into planning, so I bought a planner that will let me stick to plans a little better for 2022. I plan out small things that I can really stick to for the week and write them in there. I’ve been doing things like getting up at a certain time and doing ten minutes of meditation no matter what or setting aside a period of time to read a book from cover to cover, and I hope I can stick to these in 2022. But actually, I made the plans and didn’t follow through on days 1, 2 and 3. I pulled myself together on the 4th and luckily I’m on track for the 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th days. Wasn’t easy. (laughs)

That feels different from what you often talk about wanting to be perfect. (laughs)

Saerom: I want to be perfect but I think absolute perfection is impossible. I know that I’ll grow so much on my way towards perfection. I put in the same effort but I still grow bit by bit. 

You are on this journey towards perfection with the members and flover. 

Saerom: I think, “What other profession could receive so much love?” That’s why no matter how tough things are I think, “I can keep going because I’m receiving so much love.” I thought a lot about, “What sort of a presence can I be to our fans?”, and I learned about what I should be doing through our face-to-face fansigns. Flover told me, “I have something important coming up. I need your strength,” or “I had such-and-such happening and I felt powerless but what you said and what you showed on stage gave me the strength to keep living on”. It came to me that I want to be that refuge for flover, and that I can be.